These past few days, I’ve been thinking of setting up my own business. I’ve had lots of frustrations in my two-year stint in my present company. I think I do not enjoy doing some stuff there. I would want to be the boss of my own company. I also want to take control of my time and do the things that I really want and at the same time, having a source of income. Problem is, I’m having a hard time thinking of what business venture to take. Plus, I should generate enough capital to start one.

I’m thinking of investing first on mutual funds but I don’t know how to start. Could anyone tell me the basics of mutual funds? I think it would be a great start for me to get my capital. I would also want to partner with a colleague so it wouldn’t be hard for me to start from scratch. But I would still want to have a business I could call my own. Would taking a MBA degree suffice to know the technicality of establishing my own business? Or would it be better to consult with some friends who have experience in this kind of thing?

The questions. The choices. Aaaaarghhhh!!! How can I possibly do this? Somebody help me please!

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I haven’t been writing these past few days and it kinda sucks. A lot has been happening at work and in my mind but I wasn’t able to post them here. I actually keep a journal but it got the same luck. My last entry was back in April 18. I would want to fill those blank pages and go down memory lane but it’s gonna be hard to do, especially now that I’m preoccupied with a lot of stuff.

Pre-occupied – absorbed in thought; engrossed; excessively concerned with something; distracted (thefreedictionary.com).

That’s the state of my mind right now. I think a lot about stuff, family, plans, dreams, friends, etc. and it somehow gets me out of focus most of the time especially when I’m doing something. These past few days, I can’t seem to concentrate on what I’m doing. My attention span becomes shorter as the days pass by. I also tend to look far away and think of something else while I’m working. It takes a lot of effort in my part to go back to what I’m doing. I noticed that I also tend to forget things. I feel like I’m becoming ‘Dory’ from Finding Nemo.

Are these the effects of cutting on my caffeine intake? Do these things really happen especially when you are stressed? Is my brain just processing slower than before? Are these the manifestations of some heart issues?

I can’t answer for now. But whatever the reason might be, I pray that God would continue to guide me in the coming days. For now, I just need encouragement and strength to just move on and put off some excess baggage.

I ended up this day at work dealing with douche bags and show offs. Give me a break. As much as I want to finish well, all of a sudden, these creatures would ruin my day. I mean I’m working really hard to make them understand things but all they want is spoon-feeding. I have no time teaching them the right thing to do because they’re all grown up. Really had a bad day today because of that.

These past few days, I’ve been contemplating on how others see me and how others think of what I’m saying. I know in myself that I think very differently. Sometimes, I think differently in a way that would piss people off or make them think that I’m not in my right mind. It’s like when you all have the conviction in the world, all of them would disagree with you and they will all agree on one thing. It’s kinda unfair. Oh well, life has never been fair. During those times when I feel rejected, it becomes more transparent that I’m alone. That I have to deal things all by myself and learn to stand up on my own since no one would be on my side. There is definitely something wrong with how I think and I don’t know why. I always make it a point to make sense but most of the time I’m being misinterpreted and mistreated. I always do my best to treat them well, to listen to what they’re saying before uttering a word. But sadly, they would do the opposite to me and act in a bragging way, that ‘we are good and we know everything.’ I’m sorry to tell you but you don’t know everything because you don’t know how to listen and just wants to be spoon-fed.

Today, I feel like a lot of people hated me. I really don’t know what I said or what I’ve done. There’s this one guy at work who haven’t talked to me in a civil way. It’s like whenever I say something, he will oppose in the background. I mean I haven’t done anything wrong to him. We’re not that even close. The closest that we can get is sending and receiving work emails from each other. He’s so mean to me today and I wonder what have I done wrong. It really saddens me and it affects how I work and how I relate to other people.

Also, there’s this guy who blatantly rebuts all my arguments. He’s like telling everyone that ‘Hey, I know everything!’ But at the back of my mind, he’s a douche bag who utters crap. (Ooops! Sorry for being mean) Most of the time, I don’t believe in what he’s saying. Like I always want him to shut up because it’s just nonsense! It’s just that he puts a lot of conviction in everything he says that’s why people, even the bosses, believe him. This person also knows how to fake his concern for me. And that really makes me sad. Why do they just come up there and tell me, ‘Hey, I don’t like you here so get out of my sight!’ or ‘Shut up! No one wants to listen to you!’ I would prefer hearing those than giving me little clues that they hate me. Make it one time big time.

I really feel bad writing about this stuff. I’m just so frustrated that no matter how I show my concern to these people, I receive those unpleasant responses from them. Is there something wrong with me? Am I saying the right things? How will I act in their presence? Am I that different that they treat me the way that would piss me off?

If you know who you are, please tell me what I’ve done wrong. It’s hard for me to get the clues. I would appreciate it more if you could just be honest with me. I promise not to take it against you. I just want to hear what you want to say and I will offer reconciliation. It could be easier said than done but hey, it’s just between the two of us. It’s a big PLEASE.

Just a quick blog before I go to bed.

I’m into this book entitled The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. It generally is a good book with a lot of surprises and twists. (Take note that I’m not yet halfway through it but a lot has already happened in the story.) You may be very familiar with the story if you’ve seen the movie adaptation 3 years ago. I haven’t seen it yet but I promise myself to finish the book first before watching the film. The story is basically about time travel. Henry DeTamble, the time traveler, goes out of time whenever he’s stressed. He can’t time travel whenever he wanted it. He could travel 50 years to the future and 50 years to the past from his present. It was kind of an adventure for the character because he never knows when and where will he time travel the moment he gets stressed. And he has a beautiful wife named Clare whom he started meeting at the age of 6 and he’s at 40. (Do I need to explain it?) Their situation is over-complicated that only lunatics would believe them. But quite surprisingly, a couple of characters in the story believe in their time travel stories.

Anyway, I won’t be spilling much of the storyline. But I can say that so far, the book is nicely written. I like the way how it was put in the first-person point of view. It somehow creates the character as the story progresses and there will be times when you will feel for the character. In this case, only two persons tell the story, Henry and Clare. There are also parts which are bizarre but they can be made clear if you continue reading the story. I thought time traveling would be fun but it has a lot of complications in it. Take for example Henry’s struggle. Whenever he time-travels, he always appear naked and the first thing he has to do is to find clothing. Sometimes, he beats up people just to get nice clothes. I think, the story wants to tell us that there’s no point in changing the past or altering the future. (More of that after I finished the book.)

I like the story so far. I hope to finish it as soon as possible so I could start a new one. I’m taking a look of reading The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers since I left off with The Fellowship of the Ring a few weeks back. I hope to start with it as soon as possible so I could read The Return of the King and The Hobbit.

I feel like writing another entry here but I really don’t know what to write. Well, let my random thoughts do the job as I don’t want to be pressuring myself to write something that has style, relevance, or anything like that. I just want to write something that makes sense. (Note: I wrote the title right after finishing this post.)

Today, I plan to watch The Avengers probably with some friends. But it seems like everyone’s busy or doesn’t have enough money to go to the theatres. Payday is still 3 days from now. Good thing I saved little cash enough to bring me to the theatre and back to my house. I just hope that if I watch today, the theatres won’t be flocked. I’m expecting a lot of people lining up since it’s going to be the first weekend of this show. I can handle watching a movie by myself but it’s going to be better if I am with someone. Unfortunately for me, I still don’t have a girlfriend. My bestfriend never replies to my messages since yesterday. I’m planning to watch it with him since we haven’t seen each other for a while. Most probably, I’m gonna watch it alone.

This feeling of being ’emo’ is getting into my nerves again. I don’t know why but once in a while this feeling affects how I react to situations. Just yesterday, one of my bosses asked me why I am so emotional. I really didn’t give a concrete answer. Probably, it’s the way how God created me. If I look at it differently, I can say that I’m not good in hiding my feelings. If I’m sad, it really shows. If I’m happy, my friends would easily know. If I’m pissed off, people around me won’t mind talking to me since they know I’m going into something and I need some space. I’m very transparent when it comes to my emotions. I don’t want to fake it. It’s my weakness to hide it. Maybe, it’s not being ’emo’ at all. I am just being true to myself and most importantly to everyone. Some would hate me for being like that, for being who I really am. Only a certain few would understand why I’m acting that way. And I would appreciate someone who hates me to just shut up and mind his own business and someone who is close to me to make an effort to talk to me even if he feels that I don’t want to talk to anyone. As much as I want to be alone and fix things by myself, a time will come when I won’t be able to handle it and all I need is just a friend who knows how to listen.

Okay, so much for being emotional. I just have to let this out. Whew! Now I need to get going to catch that screening. 🙂

Okay. I’m stressed. The week has gone by so fast and I didn’t know what I accomplished. Basically, none. All jobs are pretty much still in pending. Luckily, I’m on leave tomorrow which means that I have a longer weekend. Actually, I really don’t like this new policy regarding leaves at work because they will ask you to plot your leaves for one whole year and there’s no freaking way for you to move it to some other day the moment you submitted the leave form. It sucks hard. What if you really have an urgent job to do on the day of your leave? It’s a take it or leave it moment right then and there. Oh well, I’m not really a corporate freak, much as well take the leave even if I have lots of work to do. Anyway, it’s their choice to have that kind of system. It’s just not practical and nice. Like will you be able to know when do you need those leaves in a year? In my case, I have lots of work to do but because I plotted my leave for tomorrow prior to the new projects, I have to take it since it’s already pre-determined and there’s no way that you could move it to some other day. So much for being adamant but I really don’t like that.

While at work today, I heard some people talking about resignation. As if it’s a new concept to everyone. So they were like talking about this former colleague of ours who became a boss in his new company. And another one is a supervisor in a company where there’s always free lunch. I admit that there’s really not much growth in the company where I’m staying right now. Our jobs can only do so much to make us happy. In our culture and time, people tend to think more of money than career growth. Well, I can’t blame them since most of us really have above average lifestyles even though we only earn on the average. Whenever we earn a lot, we also consume or spend more so getting a high pay doesn’t mean that we have lots of money.

I should be sleeping now. Really tired. Will update soon.

 

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People in line along Ortigas Avenue waiting shed.

I went to the NBI Clearance Satellite office at Robinsons Galleria yesterday, April 16, 2012. Knowing it’s a Monday, I expected a lot of people to come. I also read from other blogs that people flock the entrance as early as 5:30am. Prior to my venture, I already read a lot of stories about applying for an NBI Clearance. I found out that they have a new system since they didn’t decide to renew their contract with their previous contractor. Some say it’s a more efficient process. But others would still say that it is better to revert to the old process. The last time I renewed my NBI clearance was two years ago at SM Megamall. I remembered back then that it was quite a breeze getting my clearance. Add the fact that you’ll line up in an air-conditioned mall with nice ambiance. I think I just finished the whole process in 2 hours or so. It’s relatively fast I tell you.

Going back to my story, I woke up as early as 2:30am to get there the earliest I can. I was there at the EDSA entrance of Robinsons at around 5:00am. And it’s true that there are already swarms of people in the area at that time. I started asking people where’s the line and what time will it start. I read from another blog that they will give out numbers and they will only accommodate the first 500 applicants for that day. So it’s really advisable to be there as early as 5:00am. Some would say 4:00am but what the heck, are you gonna kill me? Anyway, some guy told me that they do not give out numbers anymore and the service would start as soon as the mall opens. An enforcer also advised us to stay somewhere first because there’s no guarantee that the numbers and forms will be given out. Rest assured that the line would start at around 9:30am. It seemed like I can’t do anything at that time so I went to my office first to drop some stuff.

I went back at around 6:00am and asked the guard if they we’re already giving out numbers. The guard replied, ‘Ay wala na pong number. Pumila na lang po kayo dyan tawid po kayo (while pointing to the people in line).’ I can’t remember the exact words but I was kinda pissed off when he answered me. It was rude! I saw this line of people in the waiting shed along Ortigas Avenue and found the end of the line. The line was not that long. I think I can make it to the first 100. So I’ve waited in line for almost three hours inhaling Metro Manila’s polluted air. Buses and jeepneys keep on coming and the Filipino workforce slowly becomes alive. It’s good that I brought a book with me to pass some time. I finished reading the book but lo and behold, I haven’t took a step further to the whole application process. I’m getting kinda impatient thinking of the time wasted and the loads of stuff that I still need to do after getting my clearance.

At around 9:00am, the line is already 3 times longer. I also noticed that I’m not in the first 100 anymore. Go figure. The next scene might shock you. When the guard is leading the line to the entrance of the mall near Chowking, some people started climbing over the railings and the line was gone! Basically, the people who were last in line flocked at the entrance and the guards weren’t able to do anything. People keep on flocking at the entrance hoping that they would be the first in line or at least get near to the entrance where the application forms will be given. It was really crazy! No system! The guards are rude! I think the scene wouldn’t be like that if they continued with the numbering system. In that way, people will have an option to return at a later time and not wait there for nothing.

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Application form with number.

So I was really pissed off but I can’t do anything. The people behind the original line created a new line since the end of the line is nearer to the entrance. I then lined up and just waited for the forms to be given. I thought I won’t make it to the first 200 but thankfully, I got number 187. Whew! The next step is to fill out the form and wait for the mall to open.

The NBI office is located in the lower ground floor, east wing of the mall. The hardest part is waiting. So everyone’s seated on the stairs fronting the Robinsons Land office. Some NBI employee is calling out the numbers by batch. To make the long story short. I’ve waited for another 2 hours before I reach Step 1. They have this small room where the applicants can seat before they can proceed to the counters. I keep on asking the guard there what’s the next step and what number is being called and he’s always rude in his reply. Really rude! He doesn’t even answer my questions directly.

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People waiting on the stairs.

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Another batch of people waiting to be given forms.

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At the counters.

At around 1:00pm (I’m very hungry during that time), numbers 181 to 190 were called to proceed to Step 1: Payment (at last!). I paid PhP115 and presented 2 valid ID’s (Yes, 2 valid government-issued ID’s). The one who checks the form and receives the payment is another rude person. She asked me ‘College graduate ba?‘ in which I answered yes and she replied ‘o college graduate ilagay mo dyan. Baka lagyan ko yan ng undergraduate eh!‘ and I think a lot of people heard it. The tone is like she’s telling the whole world that I’m wrong in any way. I just wrote ‘College’ in the Highest Educational Attainment Field. I know I was wrong but she could have told me to just write college graduate and not say anything else. After Step 1, we were asked to go back inside the waiting room and wait for our batch to be called again for Step 2: Encoding. (It was just unfair seeing those people who were at the end of the original line get their clearances and you’re like 50 or 100 people behind. Ang sarap lang punitin! 1…2…3… breathe… Chill.) I’ve waited for an hour or so for this step. There is only one rude encoder doing the job so it made things very slow. I really can feel my tummy and my feet giving up. At last I made it and proceeded to Step 3: Biometrics. Actually, after Step 2, everything will just be a breeze. I think the person getting the fingerprint scans and the taking the picture is the nicest person there since he can only give a poker face no matter what is happening. So I only have to wait for my name to be called after the biometrics. I was kinda anxious after Step 3 since I’m not really sure if I can get my clearance right away. I might have a ‘hit’ and it would take at most 2 weeks (according to some blog) before I can take hold of my clearance plus some interview and all that jazz. (I actually had a hit when I got my first NBI clearance from way way back. I experienced going to the old Carriedo NBI office to clear my name. Thankfully, I was cleared of any record.) But I heard the angels sang Hallelujah when my name was called. At last, I got a copy of my NBI Clearance after more than 8 hours.

It was a tiring, frustrating, yet unique experience. I just appreciate how people help each other, make new friends, and crack some jokes even if they’re pissed off. I don’t want to blame the government nor the rude employees for letting me experience this terrible thing. Imagine, if only the line remained intact and people didn’t go over the railings to get an easy shot, the process might have been quicker and less frustrating. I think being organized would come first from us. Discipline is the key. Considering the country’s situation now, the government can only do so much to give the things that we need. We should learn how to be disciplined in every step of the way and act like you are leading this nation. Respect the law and work with diligence and integrity. I think it’s still a long way to go for the Filipinos but it is not impossible.

How I miss blogging. As cliche as it may sound, blogging somehow gives me an avenue to say what I want to say. Though at times, I feel that no one’s out there who would want to read this. I’ve been busy with a lot of stuff during the past few years in the corporate world. I didn’t get a chance to really write something that would record my experiences and feelings. Back in college, I used to write about my experiences every single day. Regardless of how silly they are, I still write them anyway. Now, I don’t have much freedom writing everything. There came a point in my life when I chose not to engage with anyone in the worldwide web due to some emotional issues. I also feel like I’m saying a lot about myself and people would not make any effort to know who I really am at a personal level since they knew everything about me through this blog.

But thanks to Facebook and Twitter for inventing microblogging. I think it’s one of the best things that ever happened in the online world. This is perfect for those people who are always on the go at the same time wants to update their friends of their current whereabouts. It also has great privacy features wherein you can choose who can read your posts. 

The problem now with Facebook and Twitter is that millions are already using it. Whenever I view Facebook and Twitter, I feel like I have to view every single post. It creates an atmosphere of information overload. Though lives are being connected, your privacy can somehow be invaded. I actually am very keen with regards to keeping my Facebook and Twitter profile private especially when I post something or when some anonymous person adds me.

I am still an avid user of Facebook and Twitter but most of the time, I feel paranoid using them. Thankfully, they both have privacy options which I can personalize.

My point really is getting back in shape to write on this blog again. I’ve been keeping a journal and I haven’t written anything on it for two weeks now. Work kinda sucks like at the end of each day, all I want to do is to sleep and just wait for the next weekend. A few weeks back, a friend of mine happened to come across my blog. He actually commended me for what I wrote here and encouraged me to update my blog. At that moment, I can’t believe that someone actually reads my blogs and it’s more than enough reason for me to write again. From that day on, I always tell myself that I need to update my blog as soon as possible for that one friend who cares.

In the coming days, I hope to live each day thinking that even if I feel that I write in vain, someone would stand up, read what I wrote, and encourage me to just go on. I hope that I would be able to see the beauty of this world and write something about it.

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