Last thursday was the worst day of my week. I planned not to go to the fellowship because I have a bad feeling that I’m gonna see him (the ‘friend’ I told you on my previous post) again face to face (my ultimate goal is to not look at him in the eye or even see him). I was so disappointed that day because I’ve proven to myself again that I can’t make my own decisions, that I just go with what others dictate to me. Haaay nako…. Asar talaga!!! Going back to the fellowship, I don’t have the choice but to go inside the fellowship room and pretend that I’m not affected by his presence. Yes, pretend. Because I don’t want the people there to be affected. But I’m having a hard time talaga dealing with that. I’m very verbal kasi when it comes to my feelings or emotions. To my great surprise, he was the one chosen to tell his life story that night. Grabe! naka-jackpot ako!!! Asar talaga!!! I really don’t feel like listening to him. Gggrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh….. But I have no choice but to hear his story. And Voila!!! His story is about relationships. Parang ako talaga yung pinatatamaan. He told the people there that he’s not comfortable showing affection to his friends, which I’m very guilty of committing. I never looked at him in the eye while he shares his story (we have a small room by the way, so every move you make will be seen). I got out of the room during the middle part of his story and waited ’til it ended. Nakakaasar talaga…. Haaay nako….. Ewan ko ba… I really can’t let go of my pride. When will he realize that I was so affected by what he has done/said to me in the past? I haven’t fully recovered yet. Sana hindi siya manhid. Salamat talaga!!!