Before getting into the real thing, I just wanna share these excerpts from the song The New World from the musical Songs for a New World by Jason Robert Brown.
A new world calls across the sky
A new world whispers in the shadows
Time to fly, time to fly…
And you’re suddenly a stranger
There’s no explaining where you stand
And you didn’t know
That you sometimes have to go
‘Round an unexpected bend
And the road will end In a new world …
It’s about one moment
That moment you think you know where you stand
And in that one moment
The things that you’re sure of slip from your hand
And you’ve got one second
To try to be clear, to try to stand tall
But nothing’s the same
And the wind starts to blow
And you’re suddenly a stranger
In some completely different land
And you thought you knew
But you didn’t have a clue
That the surface sometimes cracks
To reveal the tracks To a new world…
Ano nanaman ‘to? Haha! Ayan siguro iisipin ng ibang makakabasa nito. Pathetic talaga si Gian!!! Haha! Anyway, it’s 2am in the morning at kagagaling ko lang sa rehearsal. Yeah! 2am na! Actually we had dinner pa at Shakey’s Katipunan. Ren’s treat for his 26th. Yeah! Pizza and chicken galore! Most of the cast members were there kaya super saya and ingay! And it’s all for free! Yeba!! Thanks Ren! Next year ulit ha!?
For most of my friends, naging ‘aparisyon’ na lang ako sa mga bonding activities and all that jazz these past few weeks. I was too busy with acads and of course, Fili rehearsals. We’ve been rehearsing for that show ever since July this year kaya I can say na naging close na rin ako sa mga cast members. Sila ba naman yung makasama mo everyday for two and a half months, hindi pa ba kayo magiging close nun? For two months, I would spend my nights with them learning new songs, putting on different characters, having late dinners, walking in UP at night time, etc. I never had a dull moment with them. Ang saya lagi! I was surprised na ganun ako kabilis na naging close sa kanila. And one more thing, I can be myself whenever I’m with them. Thank God I’ve found this crazy bunch of people. Yes, as in super crazy nila! May mga nilalang pala na ganun! Haha! New world talaga for me. I want to thank God for giving me this chance to know these people. Kahit two months pa lang kaming magkakakilala, parang we’ve known each other na since birth! (Just kidding! =P ) Actually, 3 weeks na lang kaming magkakasama-sama. Start na kasi ng run ng show. Kaya ayun! Kung ako lang, ayoko pa talagang mag-show not because I’m nervous or afraid of performing but because of the fact that we’ll be living our own lives after the run.
This production really demands a lot of my time. I actually gave up a lot of things just for this. I even have to sacrifice spending my weekends with my family and attending weekly worship service and fellowship with my family-in-Christ. I miss doing those things. Whenever I’m alone, I really long to do those. I keep on telling myself that this might be God’s way of diverting my attention to some other things and not to those silly struggles again. True enough, I was able to focus more on improving myself as a legitimate theatre actor and not as a person dealing with matters of the heart. I told myself that I’ve moved on now and I don’t have time going back to where I was before. I’m a different person indeed.
Two (or three) nights ago, I was able to spend a little time with one of my families-in-Christ. I wasn’t expecting him to be in that place since it’s too late in the evening and he usually goes home at around 10pm. So ayun, kwentuhan kami. Tapos dumating sa point na tinanong niya ako na ‘Bakit ka lumalayo sa amin? Hindi mo na ba kami mahal?’ Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako dahil nami-miss nila ako or malulungkot ako dahil akala nila ay tuluyang lumayo na ako! I don’t know what to say! Parang gusto kong mag-evaporate at that moment. So I keep on giving him reasons na kina-counter-attack niya. Na-frustrate yata siya sa mga reasons ko and I think medyo nagalit din siya. Ewan! Hindi ko ine-expect na ganun yung magiging attitude niya that night. Siya yung huling taong ineexpect ko to act that way. I wanna cry at that moment. Somehow, naging guilty din kasi ako na lumalayo ako sa kanila, especially sa kanya because we’ve had some misunderstandings earlier this sem. So I thought that being distant from him would do me good. Actually, it did. It’s just that nawala yung fellowship namin.
He made me realize that I’m important to him. Not just to him but to every person in our family. Honestly speaking, hindi ko naman kasi talaga naramdaman na ganun talaga ako ka-importante. I feel like na kahit na hindi ako magparamdam sa kanila ng ilang weeks, wala lang sa kanila. Besides, marami na rin naman silang bagong kilala. So they won’t bother looking for me. Pero, na-miss ko rin naman sila. Promise! Everytime na kasama ko yung mga friends ko sa DUP, hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip kung ano ginagawa nila at that very moment na nag-eenjoy ako with my new friends. Sila kaya? Once in a while be iniisip nila kung ano ginagawa ko at tinatanong ba nila kung nasaan ako? Haha! Funny! Super sentimental ko talaga. Hindi na yata maaalis sa akin ‘to. I think this is how God made me. And I’m thankful for that. I hope that someday, I would really find a good reason to be sentimental.
Since three weeks na lang kaming magkakasama-sama sa DUP, lulubus-lubusin ko na ang mga sandali. Sobrang mami-miss ko talaga ‘tong mga taong ‘to na nakakasabay ko pag-uwi sa dis oras ng gabi. If I were to choose, sana sa November (or next year) pa ang show namin. Haha! Hindi ko alam kung pa’no ako tatanggapin ng mga tinuring kong pamilya dito sa Q.C. after ng run ng show namin. My plan was to really go back in fellowship with them after the run. Na-miss ko kasi sila eh. Tanggapin pa kaya nila ako just like before? Or baka magbago na tingin nila sa akin? Feeling ko kasi marami na ring nagbago sa kanila. Things change. People change most especially. If God found favor in me joining DUP, let me be His special guest! If not, then let me be where I should be.