My Goal Is Business

These past few days, I’ve been thinking of setting up my own business. I’ve had lots of frustrations in my two-year stint in my present company. I think I do not enjoy doing some stuff there. I would want to be the boss of my own company. I also want to take control of my time and do the things that I really want and at the same time, having a source of income. Problem is, I’m having a hard time thinking of what business venture to take. Plus, I should generate enough capital to start one.

I’m thinking of investing first on mutual funds but I don’t know how to start. Could anyone tell me the basics of mutual funds? I think it would be a great start for me to get my capital. I would also want to partner with a colleague so it wouldn’t be hard for me to start from scratch. But I would still want to have a business I could call my own. Would taking a MBA degree suffice to know the technicality of establishing my own business? Or would it be better to consult with some friends who have experience in this kind of thing?

The questions. The choices. Aaaaarghhhh!!! How can I possibly do this? Somebody help me please!

Writer’s Block

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Pre-occupied

I haven’t been writing these past few days and it kinda sucks. A lot has been happening at work and in my mind but I wasn’t able to post them here. I actually keep a journal but it got the same luck. My last entry was back in April 18. I would want to fill those blank pages and go down memory lane but it’s gonna be hard to do, especially now that I’m preoccupied with a lot of stuff.

Pre-occupied – absorbed in thought; engrossed; excessively concerned with something; distracted (thefreedictionary.com).

That’s the state of my mind right now. I think a lot about stuff, family, plans, dreams, friends, etc. and it somehow gets me out of focus most of the time especially when I’m doing something. These past few days, I can’t seem to concentrate on what I’m doing. My attention span becomes shorter as the days pass by. I also tend to look far away and think of something else while I’m working. It takes a lot of effort in my part to go back to what I’m doing. I noticed that I also tend to forget things. I feel like I’m becoming ‘Dory’ from Finding Nemo.

Are these the effects of cutting on my caffeine intake? Do these things really happen especially when you are stressed? Is my brain just processing slower than before? Are these the manifestations of some heart issues?

I can’t answer for now. But whatever the reason might be, I pray that God would continue to guide me in the coming days. For now, I just need encouragement and strength to just move on and put off some excess baggage.

To Think That I’m Different

I ended up this day at work dealing with douche bags and show offs. Give me a break. As much as I want to finish well, all of a sudden, these creatures would ruin my day. I mean I’m working really hard to make them understand things but all they want is spoon-feeding. I have no time teaching them the right thing to do because they’re all grown up. Really had a bad day today because of that.

These past few days, I’ve been contemplating on how others see me and how others think of what I’m saying. I know in myself that I think very differently. Sometimes, I think differently in a way that would piss people off or make them think that I’m not in my right mind. It’s like when you all have the conviction in the world, all of them would disagree with you and they will all agree on one thing. It’s kinda unfair. Oh well, life has never been fair. During those times when I feel rejected, it becomes more transparent that I’m alone. That I have to deal things all by myself and learn to stand up on my own since no one would be on my side. There is definitely something wrong with how I think and I don’t know why. I always make it a point to make sense but most of the time I’m being misinterpreted and mistreated. I always do my best to treat them well, to listen to what they’re saying before uttering a word. But sadly, they would do the opposite to me and act in a bragging way, that ‘we are good and we know everything.’ I’m sorry to tell you but you don’t know everything because you don’t know how to listen and just wants to be spoon-fed.

Dealing with ‘Haters’

Today, I feel like a lot of people hated me. I really don’t know what I said or what I’ve done. There’s this one guy at work who haven’t talked to me in a civil way. It’s like whenever I say something, he will oppose in the background. I mean I haven’t done anything wrong to him. We’re not that even close. The closest that we can get is sending and receiving work emails from each other. He’s so mean to me today and I wonder what have I done wrong. It really saddens me and it affects how I work and how I relate to other people.

Also, there’s this guy who blatantly rebuts all my arguments. He’s like telling everyone that ‘Hey, I know everything!’ But at the back of my mind, he’s a douche bag who utters crap. (Ooops! Sorry for being mean) Most of the time, I don’t believe in what he’s saying. Like I always want him to shut up because it’s just nonsense! It’s just that he puts a lot of conviction in everything he says that’s why people, even the bosses, believe him. This person also knows how to fake his concern for me. And that really makes me sad. Why do they just come up there and tell me, ‘Hey, I don’t like you here so get out of my sight!’ or ‘Shut up! No one wants to listen to you!’ I would prefer hearing those than giving me little clues that they hate me. Make it one time big time.

I really feel bad writing about this stuff. I’m just so frustrated that no matter how I show my concern to these people, I receive those unpleasant responses from them. Is there something wrong with me? Am I saying the right things? How will I act in their presence? Am I that different that they treat me the way that would piss me off?

If you know who you are, please tell me what I’ve done wrong. It’s hard for me to get the clues. I would appreciate it more if you could just be honest with me. I promise not to take it against you. I just want to hear what you want to say and I will offer reconciliation. It could be easier said than done but hey, it’s just between the two of us. It’s a big PLEASE.